are you a mommy of a toddler or two?
do u wanna rip your hair apart when your toddler is throwing the tenth tantrum your way?
well, you are not alone my dear.
when my older son turned 3 the toddler tantrums hit us hard, he would get upset about anything and everything should be exactly how he wants nothing else would matter, I was really frustrated and upset because he was not like that before he rarely cried and made a fuss about anything. then I started to study about his age and the related demands that’s when I got to know about a big fact that helped me understand my son’s point of view.
Once a baby becomes a toddler he learns about individuality
once a toddler starts to learn about his individuality and personality he wants more control of the things around him and his environment so its really easy for them to fuss about the simplest things like wanting their own blanket and crying about why we turned off the fan etc.
now the toddler wants to control everything around them which isn’t possible all the time, so it’s pretty normal to create fuss once a while about a simple thing which you should keep in mind is simple for you but not for him.
so you have to be really understanding and let them do what they want unless it is dangerous or something bad, obviously.
now I used to argue with my son when he woke up in the middle of the night crying for his bottle of milk and also that I put on his favorite cartoon on iPad. and it would make the situation worse and worse when I tried to tell him that its the middle of the night and watching cartoons will make his sleep go away but it would only end in leaving me and my son both angry and frustrated.
after I understood about his needs as a toddler for having the things his certain way now I know what to do when he makes this demand the next time once I distracted him by telling him a story and in the middle he was fast asleep ,and the other time I just turned on the cartoons and he fell asleep while watching it.
so this really helped me and we have much much less frustration and are much happier especially me because I would be so worried that why is my son being so stubborn and not listening to me.
try to show them you understand rather than giving solutions:
This is something I learned from the famous book “how to talk: so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk”
by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish.
so basically these are two child psychologists and they stress that whenever a child expresses his negative feeling like sadness, anger frustration we should just listen and help them recognize the feelings rather than giving them advice or scolding or a solution to their problem.
Real life situations and I how this rule/advice helped me
now when usually my son would hit her younger sister i would get really enraged and shout at my son that why is he hitting her she so little he isn’t supposed to hit her or she can get hurt etc,
this made him even angrier and he would try and hit her again and again and also start crying (my son is 3.3 years old btw) and daughter 1.7 years old.
so the other day when this happened I was getting ready for usual rage and stuff but i sat back for a moment and assessed the situation like just for a second and i noticed that manal was breaking his blocks building and that’s why he was getting angry and trying to hit her so I picked her up and said to my son,
” oh manal is destroying you beautiful blocks building !!! is that why are so angry and want to hit her ? ”
he said “yes I want to hit her she broke my building ”
I said, ” that is making you really angry right ?”
my son said yes and started to make his blocks again peacefully. it was magic guys I mean he felt better in a second and forgot all about his anger which would have been a disaster if I had taken my usual path.
so I guess this made you understand a bit. I would highly recommend reading this book though especially for parents of older kids 7 years plus age.
Help him express his anger/frustration:
a toddler is just learning about different feelings and how to cope with those feelings, and it isn’t an easy thing to do. think about yourself in anger how sometimes we show reckless behavior even though we are adults so how can such a small person know how to deal with negative feelings? we have to play an important role by helping him in two ways
- first help them recognize which type of feeling he is having like anger, sadness or frustration.
- and the help him learn how to vent it out in a positive or less agressive way .
so basically when kids get angry they use different ways to express it sometimes they can get very aggressive and reackless so you have to help them by validating their emotions and telling them that its okay to feel that way feeling everyone has a bad day once a while and that you totally get how he is feeling.
so this trick really helps with small kids
what u gotta do is this, you can give them a ball and ask him to throw it far away to show how angry he is
or give him a pencil and paper and ask him to draw angry lines and show you how angry he is that will help him vent out his anger.
so this was a little something that has helped me cope with my own toddler tantrums .
i wanted to share it with other mommies hoping that it will help u out in the crazy thing called parenting .
every children is different but obviously basic nature is same foe all kids all we have to do is understand whats going on in their mind while they are throwing tantrums and how can we help them cope with those negative feelings in a constructive way .
what are the ways you handle toddler tantrum ?
i would love to know about it . share it with me in the comment section
have a great week ahead .